18 Mistakes parents make in child upbringing
Children are regarded as a gifts of any marriage, children can be their parent pride if they are well trained. But at times parents make mistakes when raising their kids and most times they are even oblivious towards these mistakes and end up failing to play their important roles with regards to how they raise their kids. So what I took note of is the obviously common ones that almost every body witness in the society. Below are common mistakes parent make with regards to proper child upbringing
1... Insulting your spouse in front of the children: Most parents don't seem to realise that this action can have adverse effect on the children as they would begin to lack peace of mind and this can make the children scared and someone they begin to take sides. If this happens this can gradually breed upcoming monsters within the home
2...Not monitoring their activites: Parents no matter how busy they are with work they should try to know and monitor the kind of this their children watch, the kind of friends they have, the kind of trends they follow ,their mentality about the society around them. Parents should even try to take part in the activities of their children let the children find the best friends in their parents because now society offers a lot of bad friends, thoughts and ideas.
3...Always telling them No:This can make them think you can't provide them, this can result to dissatisfaction which would lead them to stealing from you or searching for what they want else, it could even resort to begging from people eg visitors, neighbours, untrustworthy friends.
4...Never seeking their opinions: Parents don't tend to realise that this is a serious issue when children are not included in decision making they would never learn to take reasonable decisions that's whybmost of the kids of nowadays can't do things on their own its not like parents can't make decisions for their kids but not for every single thing. By including them in decision making you are actually teaching them how to make important innovative decisions.
5....Making them learn the hard way: At times it can good, but it has bad effects because the parent is oblivious to the pain the child might have witnessed in one encounter or the other and sometimes it can live a permanent scar in the children's lives.
6....Child preference: This is something no parent should try, preferring one child over the other, parents do not know that this action can cause serious enmity and hatred among the children ,it can also kill the other childrens self esteem. It can make them feel hated, abandoned and not good enough.
7...Letting them watch you and your spouse fight: Some parents are oblivious to this issue for the fact that it affected the children emotionally, the child would begin to blame his or herself, they begin to over think ,they begin to lack peace of mind that why at school you begin to notice it in their performance depreciates as they can't even concentrate.
8....Not listening to their complaints: Its twenty first century and virtually every parent is busy with work,but that doesn't stop you from listening to them when they talk about what the house help does when they are out or the person who bullies them at school ,there things that they might be observing that you have no idea of.
9...Letting them know of your problems: This is not OK most especially to little kids because even though they are trying to show concern and care ,this can make unhappy ,uncomfortable and lack peace of mind .
10....Not training them morally and religious wise: Just as the saying states 'Education without morals is like bringing up an educated criminal'. Most parents assume that when the child goes to school the child would be taught these values. They often forget that for a child the home is their first school and their first teachers are their parents eg. Teach them to greet their elders, not follow or accept things from strangers, not to take what is not theirs , make them follow you to the church or mosque , read your relgious books to them, preach to them etc by this I believe as a parent you have played your own role.
11...Correcting them with harsh abusive words or with words of mockery: Most parents out of anger correct their children with very abusive words eg. Are you stupid, you must be crazy, useless child. At times this does do any good but does the adverse as this can cause serious emotional damage as word can kill a persons self esteem. Most times the child won't even end up deriving any good from the correction the parent has made.
11.....Not appreciating them for who they are: Most parents fail to understand that this is a serious issue some parents only appreciate their kids only if they are intelligent or athletic or have a place that the shone or if you are a boy and so on. At times some parents compare their children to other peoples children just because they have some achievement they that their children haven't acquired, most parents don't realize that this kill their children's self esteem and this makes the children not to believe in themselves.
12....Always leaving them in external hands: eg. House helps or neighbours or even friends. Most parents are busy with work or other things they need to handle so they end up leaving they kids to the house helps who they don't even know their true origin and character and sometimes the kind of people either have a bad influence over your child or they maltreat your children when you are not at home or they begin to turn your kids against you maybe by poisoning they minds about the kind of work the parent does and many more.
13.....Never living up to your words: Most times it can be in any form good or bad ,it can be promising them a gift or a vacation or any thing else when a parent doesn't keep to their word and does this almost every time they begin to lose their respect in front of the child even if they threaten to punish the child ,the child would take it as a joke thereby ignoring the parents words.
14......Correcting them in public: Most times parents lose their anger in public places when they are with their children, most times the child might have done something wrong, then their parent would either scold them, shout at them or beat them in a public place. That kind of action is not really a good idea as you are embarrassing the child and even disgracing the child, parents don't know that by doing that they make the child a subject for mockery and gossip
15....Doing bad things in front of your kids: This is the twenty first century and parents fail to realise that children don't follow what their elders tell them but what they see their elders do, sometimes parents fail to realise that children follow what they see their parents doing. So please stop any bad habit before you bear children or never let them withness any bad habit of yours because if the children are really young they would imitate it but if they are quite mature you would begin to lose respect or they begin to hate you. Bad things such as smoking, drinking, gossiping, bribery, using swear words, insulting people etc. Note never let your children see you having sex, some kids can be really curious and would want to try it maybe among themselves or with friends or classmates.
16...Venting your anger on them: You might have had a long stressful day or you might have fought with somebody at work ,when you come home calm down don't let it reach a stage where if they do the slightest thing you begin to shout at them and pour all your anger on them. For God's sake they are your children not your punching bags.
17...Letting other people decide how you are to raise your child: Sometimes it's not always a good idea to listen to external forces because you gave birth to the child so you should know how to care for and raise the child ,parents should not always listen to what people outside the home dictate to them because nowadays society offers a lot of bad ideas and when your child comes to realise that you always listen to people outside they begin to doubt your capabilities or they begin to look down on you or you begin to lose respect.
18... Physical abuse. At times a child might annoy or provoke his or her parents, this happens in most African homes but what the parent is to do is to handle the case calmly and avoid serious beating and thrashing as you might injure the child out of annoyance. There have been several cases where a mother slapped her son deaf, I also know of a case and this person was a close friend of mine in primary school her mother hit her head on a pillar in the front of their house and the child sustained a deep injury on her head. Please parents kids can be a bit annoying but that's why you are their parents, love them and care for them unconditionally.
I hope parents would take these mistakes seriously and correct them if they already happen.
May Allah strengthen and forgive our parents, may their final abode be Al jannatul Firdausi